


Ace Insight

by DownOnThePharm



Series: Fully Functional [3]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Frenemies, Gen, Mechs have feelings too, They really are friends, fluff and nonsense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 22:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17031036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DownOnThePharm/pseuds/DownOnThePharm
Summary: When Kryten has something on his mind, he receives a little insight from an unexpected source - Rimmer.





	Ace Insight

**Author's Note:**

> Just a bit of friendly nonsense brought on by a conversation in a FB group.

“I know what’s bothering you, Kryten.” 

Kryten paused in stirring his cake batter and looked over at Rimmer inquiringly. “What was that, Sir?” 

Without looking up from his well-worn textbook and sheaf of elaborate notes, Rimmer repeated, “I know what’s bothering you. About Butler.” 

Startling at the mention of his supposedly disliked but secretly admired rival, Kryten hesitated for slightly too long a moment, then blurted out, “Sir, I don’t know what you mean. As a mechanoid, nothing ‘bothers’ me.”

Snorting derisively, Rimmer leaned back in his desk chair and retorted, “Spare me the ‘I’m a mere mech’ routine, Kryten. Lister broke your programming decades ago. You’re as ridiculously emotional and overly reactive as anyone else on this blasted ship. It’s obvious to me that Butler gets right up your nose, and I can tell you exactly why.”

His neon blue eyes sparking with annoyance, Kryten ground out, “Please, Sir, by all means, enlighten me. What about Butler?”

Rimmer smiled. “Simple. He’s your Ace.”

“My - my what?”

“Your Ace. Your own Commander Rimmer, so to speak.”

Intrigued despite himself, Kryten set down his mixing bowl and took a seat at the bunkroom table. “Go on, Sir,” he said. 

“Butler is essentially a better version of you,” Rimmer stated, smirking slightly at the mech’s frown. “Yes, he’s an older model, but he’s far more accomplished and talented than you are. Compared to him, you’re just a jumped-up bogbot, miladdo.” As Kryten angrily opened his mouth to object, Rimmer added, “If anyone around here can recognize that, it’s me.”

His protest dying on rubbery lips, Kryten regarded the hologram thoughtfully. “Explain, please, Mr. Rimmer, Sir.”

Rimmer swiveled his chair to face Kryten, steepling his long fingers together. “Remember, I’ve been on both sides of this particular equation. I’ve had my handsome and wonderful alternate self rubbed in my face, and I’ve been the Bacofoil-wrapped, heroic what-a-guy other Rimmers hated. There’s nothing quite so maddening as having your own deficiencies glaringly highlighted by the presence of some swaggering, self-important ass who’s better at being you than you are. I should know. You aren’t in quite the same position, as Butler isn’t actually an alternate Kryten, but it’s similar enough for me to see it.”

“So, Sir, how do you propose I cope?”

Rimmer thought for a moment, then half-jokingly replied, “I’d say concentrate on your strengths. You’re a damn fine towel folder, brilliant at getting even Lister’s grotty clothes presentable, and no one can touch you when it comes to scrubbing a loo.”

Kryten silently mulled over Rimmer’s words for a few minutes, as the hologram quietly watched him. When the mech finally spoke, it was with a strange new respect for Rimmer. “Sir, I would never have thought it possible to agree with you on something like this, but, on analysis, I believe you’ve identified the problem. I feel inferior to Butler...”

“Well, honestly, you are.”

Kryten indignantly snapped, “Sir, please! Allow me to finish!”

“Oh, my sincerest apologies, Kryten,” Rimmer simpered, noting the mech’s exasperated eyeroll with amusement.

“As I was saying, Mr. Rimmer, _Sir_ , I am no doubt inferior to Butler in matters of art, music, and even science.” Ignoring Rimmer’s nodding in agreement, Kryten continued, “However, when it comes to cleaning, keeping house, and looking after Mr. Lister, I’m far more accomplished than he could ever be. Why, he isn’t even familiar with Piney-Shine, every competent sanitation mechanoid’s old friend! He has his talents, and I have mine. I realize now that I have no reason to be jealous!” Kryten rose from the table and took up his mixing bowl, looking much more cheerful. Clapping the slightly confused hologram on the back, he said, “I feel much better about this now, Sir. Thank you for your insight!”

Shaking his head slightly at Kryten’s enthusiasm, Rimmer went back to revising. He was pleasantly surprised later when the mechanoid placed a plate of double-fudge cupcakes and a small bowl of his favorite chocolate buttercream frosting on his desk, neither of which he shared with a pouting Lister.


End file.
